Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
Helen Keller
Better a little which is well done, than a great deal imperfectly.
Plato
Be as you wish to seem.
Socrates
You may have heard this one, but it bears repeating.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
“What’s the difference between inlaws and outlaws?”
“Outlaws are wanted.”
“Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands.”
The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water”
The sermon tonight “Searching for Jesus”
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship
that began in their school days.
For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement
on Friday afternoon.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:
“I Upped My Pledge – Up Yours.”
“The existence of flame throwers means someone had to think “Gee I’d like to set those people on fire, but I’m just not close enough.”
This one I heard from a friend.
A bank robber is at the head of the line in a bank. He pulls out a gun and demands money from the teller. She gives it to him and he turns around and looks at the guy behind him in line. “Did you see that?” he asks. The guy says “Well, yes I did. You just robbed the bank.” So the robber shoots him.
Then he notices the couple who had been standing behind the dead guy. “Did you see that?” he asks the man. “No,” the man says, “but my wife did.”
It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate.
I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way.
I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I’d have to make bones about it since I was travelling cognito. Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn’t be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.
Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.
So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads and tails of.
I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen. Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated — as if this were something I was great shakes at — and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.
Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d’oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.
She responded well, and I was mayed that she considered me a savory character who was up to some good. She told me who she was. “What a perfect nomer,” I said, advertently. The conversation became more and more choate, and we spoke at length to much avail. But I was defatigable, so I had to leave at a godly hour. I asked if she wanted to come with me. To my delight, she was committal. We left the party together and have been together ever since. I have given her my love, and she has requited it.
“To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.” – Leonard Bernstein
In a recent issue of Nexxiting News, we listed actual ads that Should Have Been Proofread. They were such a hit that we thought we would give you something similar. This time, news items that also should have been proofread…
Lady Astor and Winston Churchill reportedly hated each other
Here is an exchange they were supposed to have had:
Lady Astor: “If I were your wife, I’d put poison in your tea.”
Churchill: “If you were my wife, I’d drink it.”