The following are reportedly actual headlines from various newspapers:
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group