A Little Humor

The following are actual statements from drivers’ insurance claim forms...

“I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.”

“I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.”

“The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again”

“I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.”

“An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.”

“Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have.”

“I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.”

“The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.”

“I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.”

“As I approached an intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before.”

“I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.”

“The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.”

“I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.”

“The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.”

“The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. ”

“I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings.”

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were – Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

Newest Sites

Here is some of our recent work:

The Cotton Bride – We completely redesigned and rebuilt this beautiful responsive website for this maker of fine, environmentally friendly, bridal dresses.  www.thecottonbride.com

A la Mémoire  des Enfants Déportés – We designed and built this lovely website displaying calligraphic art by Eleanor Winters that memorializes the French Jewish children lost in World War II. –  www.alamemoireparis.com

New York Sluggers – We created the website for this baseball academy that trains and fields teams for 9-to-13 year olds. They teach the “right way to play baseball.”  www.nysluggers.net

Featured Client – BiCoastal Productions

Nexxiting News 11-2 BiCoastalSite

BiCoastal Productions has been our client since their founding back in 2007. This talent, entertainment and events agency has grown dramatically and now represents well over 300 acts of all kinds including musicians, comedians, Broadway-style stage shows, speakers, tribute acts and numerous other celebrity entertainers. They handle such diverse talent as The Hit Men (former stars of Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons), Ben Vereen, Lauren Fox (the “Future of Cabaret,” according to the New York Times), and Drew Thomas (the new David Copperfield), just to name a few.

BiCoastal’s special expertise is mastering the art of matching the right talent to each venue and its audience preferences at the right fee. (Not to mention, of course, handling the 1001 other custom details that go into each booking – from backline and travel to ‘meet and greets’, hospitality, promotion, marketing and everything in-between.)

Take a look at the BiCoastal Productions webste at:  www.bicoastalproductions.com.

Client Communication

KEEP IN TOUCH WITH YOUR CLIENTS

We have been so busy here at Nexxite lately that it is a challenge just to get this newsletter out the door. But I feel it is important to stay in touch with my clients this way. I think newsletters are well worth the effort. In fact, I strongly urge you to communicate regularly with your clients through a formal newsletter or if not that, then with less formal, but periodic eblasts.

Some of the benefits of regular email communication:

  • Build your relationship and make your clients feel special by providing something useful, or at least entertaining, that is not available to the general public, at no charge
  • Invite them to contact you if they need something
  • Cross promote your business – Show new products and services you are offering in a “soft sell” format
  • Help advertise some of your own clients, for example with case studies and link to their websites. I like to feature a special client in each issue of this newsletter.

Those are just a few of the benefits of a newsletter off the top of my head. I’m sure there are others. But if a newsletter is too much work (and I know it can feel like that), consider short eblasts. You can just offer an article you found of interest to your clients or tell them about a new service you are starting up. Remember to do something that helps or interests them. A newsletter is not a sales pitch.

There are many companies that facilitate newsletters and other eblasts. We use Mail Chimp which is reliable and free (up to 2000 subscribers). But many people use Constant Contact, iContact or Benchmark, to name a few. These services charge a fee, generally from $10-to-$30 per month, but if you have a large mailing list or have frequent announcements, it can be worthwhile to use a paid service.

All email programs take some work to set up because you need to get your mailing list entered and often you’ll want to design a standard template for your messages. But once the list is in place and your format is defined, the eblasts themselves can be sent easily. The challenge then, as I mentioned, is writing content. That can take time. As you can see from this and prior eblasts, I like to have one or two useful articles in my field, as well as something about a good client, a listing of some of the recent sites we’ve completed, and a dash of humor.

Another helpful tool offered by email programs like Mail Chimp and Constant Contact is a simple newsletter sign-up form you can have on your website. It automates the process of adding new subscribers to your mailing list. People see a short form on your website and sign up there. That’s all there is to it. They are then added to the list and automatically receive your next mailing.

So, in short, I am a great believer in newsletters and eblasts. If you are not doing them, consider adding these communication tools to your marketing mix.

A Little Humor

The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so “profound” that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, “it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct…leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting “Oh my God.”

(*This student received an “A.”)

Newest Sites

Here is some of our recent work:

Mary Lou Dauray – We added a new gallery to the web site for this client who is a fine artist out in the San Francisco area.  www.maryloudauray.com

Esther Muller Consulting. – We built the mobile website for this well-known New York-based real estate industry expert. (Check out her site on your smart phone) –  www.esthermuller.com

Robert Gaudreau – We did a major update, adding nearly many new images, to the website of this unique artist.  www.robertgaudreau.com

Walking Doggies – We created the graphics and layouts for this new ecommerce site focused selling recycled poop bags along with free special items for dog owners. www.walkingdoggies.com

We’ve been working on several SEO projects. When done, these should enhance traffic to: www.CSGmarketingpartners.com, www.frogtennis.com and www.ccrny.com.

Featured Client – Catherine Schmitt Sculpture

Nexxiting News 11-1 SchmittSculpture

Catherine Schmitt is a professional sculptor based in New Jersey. Her beautiful work can be found in the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Boston Public Library and Lincoln Center, among others. She has created numerous commercial projects for such diverse clients at the Atlantis Casino and the Central Park Zoo.

Born in Paris, Catherine has been commissioned to create art work for clients for over 35 years. In her own words, she explains “I start with an idea and let things happen. In this uncertain state, my hands keep working. Things develop…..things I never considered. I am careful not to let myself be trapped by first impressions. I keep on looking… This is the most exciting and enjoyable part of the process. I believe the correlation of mind and body is the only absolute truth in Art work.”

See Catherine’s work at:  www.schmittsculpture.com.

Social Media – Overcoming Writer’s Block

Do you have a blog? Do you use Facebook or Twitter? Do you publish articles on line? If you are using any of these outlets to promote your business, good for you. But let’s face it. We know it is not always easy. And one of the biggest difficulties can be simply thinking of a topic.

Coming up with a compelling subject to write about is sometimes a bigger challenge than doing the actual writing. We are all stricken on occasion with writer’s block. To help you overcome this hurdle, here are ten subjects you may want to consider writing about:

1. Customer success stories.

One of the most effective types of blog posts is to highlight your customers and/or client success stories. Not only are you putting the spotlight on a customer, thus bringing them extra exposure and visibility, you are also providing social proof that your product or service works.

2. Industry tips and tutorials.

Your writing should provide your customers, clients and prospects with valuable tips and strategies that they can put to immediate use. For instance, if you are a dog-trainer and have a dog-training blog, then make sure to provide your audience with plenty of dog-training tricks and tips that will encourage them to keep coming back to your blog for the latest strategies. Of course, providing your audience with industry tips and tutorials also positions you as an expert.

3. Information about new products/services.

If your company launches a new product and/or service, use your social media outlets as an announcement service to give your loyal readers a sneak preview. In addition, you can generate additional buzz-builders by offering beta invites, focus groups and surveys that will help keep your readers engaged in the launch process.

4. Relevant news from your industry.

You can certainly position yourself as an industry leader by relating important and timely news stories from your particular industry. If you find any pieces of news that are interesting or would benefit your readers, then make sure to offer the news-story along with your own commentary and opinion.

5. Upcoming events about your small business.

If you’re having a huge, 1-day sale, then post it on your blog. If you’re hosting an online webinar, tweet about it. Whenever you plan to have an upcoming event, make sure to let your readers know.

6. Elicit feedback from customers.

As a small business owner, you will want to generate authentic feedback from your customers about your products and/or services.

The feedback that your customers provide can either be pulled straight from their comments or from blog polling services or plugins. This type of feedback can be an invaluable resource for your small business and help move it from good to great.

7. Educate Your Customers/Clients.

Many small business owners implicitly understand that in order to effectively sell a product or service, the customer needs to be educated. Oftentimes our prospects don’t even understand why they need our products or services.

Therefore, the appropriate education of your prospects is incredibly important. However, it also should be handled with care. You certainly don’t want to use a “hard-sell” approach and bully your prospects into making a purchase. On the other hand, if you help your prospects understand why your product and service is so valuable and what problems it will solve for them, your battle is half-won.

8. “Warning” Posts.

Every so often, it is appropriate to help your prospects understand “what they need to watch out for” in your particular industry. This again, positions you as an expert and helps build trust with your prospects. For instance, the dog trainer could write a Facebook post entitled, “Beware of the dog trainers who use physical punishment.” Of course, you would let your prospects know that you detest this type of dog training and why.

9. Related interests.

If you sell vitamins, you should blog about health. If you own a travel agency, you should blog about the great trips that you take. It’s important to reveal to your clients and customers that you are a real person with similar interests to theirs. As long as your personal blog posts are directly related to your product and/or service, you will find these posts to be an invaluable way to connect.

10. Product, service, or process explanations and stories.

If you own a product or service that needs further explanation, then share this explanation in a YouTube video lesson. Your customers will appreciate tutorials, stories and explanations about how to best use your product and services.

So, remember these tips next time you are struggling to come up with a topic to write about.

A Little Humor

Ads that Should Have Been Proofread

  • For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.
  • Dinner Specials: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.
  • Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
  • We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
  • For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.
  • Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you’ll never go anywhere again.
  • Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.
  • Stock up and save. Limit: one.
  • Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Newest Sites

Here are some of our newest websites:

Sahn Ward Coschignano & Baker – We dramatically revised the home page for this Long Island law firm. The JavaScript animation adds a new level of excitement to the website. – www.swcblaw.com

CSG Marketing Partners – We worked with Carol Greenwald to completely refocus her website with a new logo and responsive design. Carol is a top-notch marketing expert and copywriter serving the legal profession – www.csgmarketingpartners.com

Managed Transitions – We designed and built a new, fully responsive website for this New Jersey based healthcare management consulting firm. – www.managedtransitions.com