These are ancient, from a game show called “Hollywood Squares,” that some of you may remember. These actual responses were spontaneous, not scripted.

Question:
Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

Answer – Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took
up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least
how high should you be?  

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000
years…

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way
sometimes.

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?

A.. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me
awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a
stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive,
is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?

A.. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?

A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from
the next apartment.

Q.. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries.
Are you going to get any during the first year?

A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy
growing strawberries.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom
or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always
safe in the bedroom.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head, he will wag his
tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would
you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be
afraid of the dark..

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything
wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot
of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under
water long enough.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things
you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly
believes in them and has actually seen them on at
least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.